


Ex (미친 놈)

by Churchofjimin



Series: Chanlix dumping ground [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Break Up, Chan writes a song for Felix, ChanLix, Ex, Flashbacks, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, JiLix twins, Lee Felix-centric (Stray Kids), M/M, Post-Break Up, Producer Bang Chan, im emo, jisung best boy, lee know is mentioned, not really tho, side minsung, they fight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 05:48:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28701696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Churchofjimin/pseuds/Churchofjimin
Summary: Felix liked routine. He felt normal and comfortable when he did things in a particular order every day. He'd wake up to his alarm, stretch a little, get up, use the bathroom, go make coffee and breakfast, scroll on his phone as he ate, decide what to wear, fix his hair, brush his teeth, and then he'd be ready for the day. This is what he had always done, this is what he was used to.Nothing was normal or comfortable anymore though.Chanlix break up and they're both big messes after it. They may or may not get back together
Relationships: Bang Chan & Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Series: Chanlix dumping ground [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2103903
Comments: 2
Kudos: 57





	Ex (미친 놈)

**Author's Note:**

> Haven't posted in a while hehheh  
> I felt emo and wrote this but now I don't know if it's emo or just cringey  
> idk you be the judge of that  
> Chanlix makes me emo, I love them

Felix liked routine. He felt normal and comfortable when he did things in a particular order every day. He'd wake up to his alarm, stretch a little, get up, use the bathroom, go make coffee and breakfast, scroll on his phone as he ate, decide what to wear, fix his hair, brush his teeth, and then he'd be ready for the day. This is what he had always done, this is what he was used to.

_ Nothing was normal or comfortable anymore though. _

Felix snoozed his alarm for the 3rd time this morning, cussing at the stray ray of sunlight peeking through his curtains. He couldn't go back to sleep, he never could. His stomach was aching, demanding food but he had gotten used to this pain, he could endure it until he had the energy to go eat. He hid under the blanket as if it would hide him, so he'd no longer have to exist.

_ "Why are you hiding from me, baby?!" Chris's warm voice chirped as strong arms wrapped around Felix's waist, pulling him up from under the blankets. He squinted at the bright light in the room, seeing the form of his boyfriend. Before he could whine further he felt a soft pair of lips travel around his face, making him giggle. Out of habit, Felix tangled his hands in the other's brown, curly hair. Once Chan moved a little further away, Felix felt his heart flutter. The golden sunlight highlighted all of Chan's features. Felix had never been so in love; never felt so strongly towards someone. _

He felt suddenly cold. The small ray of sun wasn't as golden as it should, it felt cold. He sat up, his head instantly a little dizzy.  _ Holy fuck, when was the last time I ate? _

There was a loud banging on his bedroom door. It scared the living daylights out of him as he didn't have a roommate, so no one else should be in his apartment. A part of him wanted to get up but he was so tired, he didn't know if he could. He felt a shiver down his spine; who used to show up to his place out of the blue?

_ "How did you get in?" He asked quietly, his head slightly throbbing. Chan chuckled, turning around to look at the mess of a boy in front of him. "I know the passcode, as it happens to be my birthday" there was a teasing tone to his voice. Felix just smiled, closing his eyes. "I also knew that you wouldn't probably eat breakfast if I didn't come to make it. You're always a mess when you're hungover" He walked over and pulled Felix against his chest, kissing the younger's temple. If this is what he got, Felix wouldn't mind Chan breaking into his house more often. _

The door opened and Felix saw Jisung, his best friend. They were so close that people called them twins, they were attached at the hip. So why did disappointment fill the pit of his stomach at the sight of his twin? Who was he expecting?! Jisung walked over to the bed mumbling to himself before looking at him, concerned rage filling his eyes. "Yah! You can't just cut me off for three days! I couldn't get a hold of you, I was worried!" Felix was honestly quite impressed with how Jisung managed to sound like a mom of 3 without ever having children.

Felix moved to sit at the edge of the bed, looking at Jisung. "Ah, I'm sorry Sung. I didn't mean to scare you. Has it really been three days?" His voice was hoarse. The crying last night, having just woken up and not using his voice for three days really did a number on his voice. Jisung rolled his eyes, grabbing Felix's wrist and dragging him out of the bedroom.

"Honestly, you can't just rot away in your bed!" Felix didn't have the energy to fight back. Jisung just wanted to help and he knew that. The smell of food flooded Felix's senses and he just now realized  _ how _ hungry he was. Jisung had gotten food from one of his favorite places and the smell was making his mouth water. They sat down and as soon as they started eating, the irritation in Jisung faded away, only leaving worry in his voice.

"So, how are you feeling?" 

_ I can't stop thinking about him. _ He can't say that. It was pathetic that he was still this hung up on this. He looked at Jisung who was just staring at him, worried. "I'm…" he didn't know what to say instead. He couldn't lie and say he was fine. Not when Jisung had to come pull him out of bed and make him eat. He had taken too long to answer and Jisung completed his sentence almost like he had read Felix's mind.

"You miss  _ him _ " Felix felt his eyes get teary but fought back. He didn't want to cry. He had already shed too many tears for  _ him _ . He just nodded, looking down. "I don't want to" he chocked out. Jisung reached to hold his hand over the table, comforting him "Of course you don't want to. But it's not easy. You dated for 3 years and it didn't end on the best terms. It's only been 2 months, give it time" Felix tried to blink the tears away but instead they just started rolling down his cheeks.

_ "What are you doing?" Felix chirped as he placed his hands on the broad shoulders, kissing the other's cheek. Chan sat in front of his computer, headphones over one ear. "Just working on a song" he didn't sound bothered that Felix had interrupted his work, he never did. He was always so happy to have the younger by his side. He felt like he worked better when he could feel Felix's presence. Felix started to gently massage Chan's shoulders, stiff from sitting in front of a computer most of the time. _

_ Chan pulled away from the desk and patted his lap for Felix to sit on. The younger happily obliged, sitting on Chan's lap, chest to chest, legs dangling under the armrests. He placed his chin on Chan's shoulder, closing his eyes. Felix loved being with Chan when he worked. He knew the elder was much more at ease when Felix was with him and that's one of the reasons the freckled boy loved it so much. He loved making people feel better, Chan always called Felix his sunshine. _

_ "Do you want to hear?" Chan then asked. He asked this often, knowing Felix was excited to hear his work. The smaller boy in his lap nodded, taking the headphones from Chan. Felix loved it, from the start he could tell. There was something so comfortable about it. _

**_"_ ** _ Look at the stars _

_ Look how they shine for you _

_ And everything you do _

_ Yeah, they were all yellow _

_ I came along _

_ I wrote a song for you _

_ And all the things you do _

_ And it was called "Yellow"  _ **_"_ **

_ Chan waited anxiously as Felix listened to the song. When he finally took the headphones off and looked at Chan, there was a silent exchange between them. At that moment, they understood each other perfectly without having to say a word. Felix pulled him into a soft, gentle kiss. From that day Felix knew that he was Chan's yellow. _

Jisung walked over to him, draping one arm around him while the other wiped the tears from the freckled cheeks. 

Jisung stayed and the two spent the entire night talking. Felix was so grateful for his twin. It made him feel like he didn't lose everything when he lost Chan. He still had Jisung, as well as his other friends. He had made himself lonely by pushing them away. 

That night he slept well. He slept well knowing that no matter how many heartaches he'd suffer, no matter how at the bottom of the pit he'd be, his twin would be here to pull him back up. Everything wasn't over even if Chan wasn't here anymore. The thought still hurt, pretty badly. He still missed the pretty, soft eyes, the dimpled smile, and the strong arms that would wrap around him but he'd be okay.

The next morning Felix woke up before Jisung. He got up from bed, dreaming of a nice hot shower. Today felt different. He smiled brightly, proud of himself for finally breaking the cycle of despair he was in. He'd make sure to thank Jisung for that immediately after the other woke up.

He looked in the mirror after undressing. He did look quite awful but instead of it sending him right back to bed to cry, he noticed a new determination to get himself back. His eyes observed his freckled face. They stopped at a certain freckle on his cheekbone, close to his right eye. He surprised himself by smiling softly. 

_ "Have you ever tried to count your freckles?" Chan asked as they laid on his bed, facing each other. "I used to try as a kid but I never really got far. I was so impatient" they both chuckled. Chan's hand was caressing Felix's cheek and he smiled like an idiot in love. Felix would never get tired of the lovestruck smile on Chan's face. Then Chan made a small sound of delight and came a little closer "Lix, you have a heart-shaped freckle!" Felix just laughed. "It's so pretty! That's my favorite one!" Chan pulled his face close and kissed the spot where the freckle was; on his cheekbone, close to his right eye. _

The tears started dripping out but he didn't mind. Like Jisung said; a lot of things will remind him of Chan and it will hurt right now but at some point, he will notice that they no longer hurt, it won't last forever.

After showering, he thought he'd make them breakfast. His mood kept improving as, finally, his daily routine started to come back to him. He hummed while making breakfast.

"You scared the shit out of me!" Felix looked to his right where the shout came from. Jisung stood there looking like he had been awake for a whole of 30 seconds, hair messy, face puffy, eyes barely open. Felix just laughed at how cute he looked. Jisung walked to him, still the "angry" look on his face (Felix just found it adorable, as he looked like an angry squirrel). "Not funny Felix! I freaked out when you weren't in bed!"

Felix laughed harder, plating the breakfast and walking to the table with them, a sulking Jisung following closely. "You informed me that I can't just rot in bed, so I didn't!" Felix's voice was loving and he had a fond smile on his face. Jisung didn't want to admit defeat, however, whining "Just wake me up next time, don't freak me out like that" Felix rolled his eyes followed by a forced chuckle "Oh yeah, that would've gone over well!"

They sat down to eat and Felix added "Besides it's my house! I can go take a shower if I feel like it!" Jisung didn't bother arguing. He was simply glad that Felix seemed more lively like he used to be. 

Soon after breakfast Jisung had to leave, a certain someone was demanding his attention, already sulky about the fact that Jisung had spent the night somewhere else and moved their date.  _ (Hint: he had three cats, his name starts with M and ends with inho) _

Felix felt good, he felt stronger than in weeks. He started to wonder what to do when he got a text from someone he hadn't talked to in a while.

**_Binbin_ **

_ Hey Lixie, how have you been? We haven’t seen in a while, hyung misses you :'(  _

He couldn't help but smile. He had met Changbin through Chan, the two had been friends for a while. He grew really close with Changbin and missed him a lot. He was worried they wouldn't be friends anymore since he and Chan broke up but Changbin's message made him think otherwise.

They talked for a bit and agreed to get lunch tomorrow. He was excited to meet the older after a long time of not seeing each other.

* * *

Felix took one quick look in the mirror, making sure he looked presentable before slipping in his earphones and leaving his apartment. He was listening to a random list on Spotify, wanting to find new songs he'd like. Changbin had texted him that he might be a bit late as he got caught up at work. Felix didn't mind, he liked to take the longer route anyway. The one that took a bit longer but lead him through a park.

The air was cold and crisp. The snow had started to gather around the city. Felix liked snow so much. It was cold but he took joy in it as they never had snow in Australia. The sun was bright, though it didn't provide much warmth, Felix's puffy jacket and scarf did.

The song changed and Felix noticed that he liked the song, at least the small beginning that he was hearing. It took a small moment until Felix realized that he recognized the voice. He would recognize that beautiful singing anywhere. It was Chan… 

He stopped walking, he hadn't realized he had. His mind started craving for Chan like he was a drug that Felix was trying to quit. His voice reminded Felix of everything, all the beautiful things Chan had said. Tears filled his eyes as the song played. Call him a masochist but he didn't want to turn it off, he didn't have the strength. He missed Chan's voice so much.

**_"_ ** _ Curse me for it, it’s fine _

_ Go ahead, curse curse curse me _

_ Curse me for it, it’s fine _

_ Curse curse curse me all you want _

_ Until your hatred for me turns into anger _

_ So that you would relieve your anger and we could be together again  _ **_"_ **

_ "Well, what the fuck do you want me to do?!" Felix was shocked. Chan never yelled, he was never angry, he never cussed at him. He started to feel awful, he started regretting bringing this up but at the same time there was a fire in his chest; Felix wouldn't put up with his shit forever. _

_ "All you do these days is complain! I hate to break it to you but some of us have more stressful jobs than a waiter! I can't be your personal assistant all the fucking time!" It stung. He had never heard Chan speak like this. Is this how he really felt? Chan pinched the bridge of his nose. He was clearly tired and annoyed. _

_ "Now you have nothing to say, huh? If you brought me here to yell at me then fucking yell at me!" His words only stirred the fire in Felix's chest. The way he was speaking as if he was daring Felix to do it. "It shouldn't be too much to ask for you to care about your own boyfriend!" He wasn't yelling. He didn't want to yell at Chan, no matter how angry he was. Chan scoffed "All I do is fucking care for you! But it's never enough!" _

_ Felix felt like he was right. Chan had always been there for him, always cared about him, how dare he accuse him of anything else?! Until his voice of reason kicked in; he hasn't been there for you in a while, he's been too busy for you but not too busy for some other pretty boys he kept hanging out with. _

_ "Don't you fucking twist this! You've been too busy for me for a long while now! You haven't been much of a boyfriend lately!" Now he was yelling too. He didn't care. He was hurt so he wanted Chan to be hurt as well. "Then maybe you should stop clinging to me like I am your boyfriend!" His tone was so cold. Felix couldn't tell if he meant what he thought. "Clearly neither of us has been very happy lately!"  _

_ That did it. It felt like air froze around them. Felix thought he could hear his heart crumble in his chest. Neither of us? How long had Chan been unhappy? Is that why he had been so distant lately? He had so many questions but he didn't want to ask the person standing in front of him. This wasn't his Chan. His Chan never spoke like this, he would never hurt Felix like this. _

_ "Get out!" _

_ He didn't register saying it but he had definitely heard his voice say that. He looked up at Chan who looked much less angry. He looked like the wind had been knocked out of him. "Get the fuck out of my house!" He didn't know how much longer he could keep the tears in or how much longer could he keep himself up. His limbs felt numb, useless. Chan had walked a bit closer, regret clear in his eyes but Felix didn't want to see it. He was hurt so why should he feel sorry for Chan? _

_ "Out!"  _

_ He shouted again, this time so furiously that it startled Chan who walked past him. He heard the door of his room open and close, followed by the front door doing the same. He fell on his bed, eyes full of tears, heartbroken. He felt like he would surely die, his chest ached so badly. He blocked Chan on everything possible, not wanting to see those regret-filled eyes ever again. _

He was running. He hadn't noticed it, nor did he have a clear idea of where he was running. He let his feet lead him, the cold hair burning in his lungs as he gasped for air but kept running. The people passing him would probably think he was running for his life, or that he must've lost his mind. He didn't mind, he felt like he must've at some point lost his mind.

Soon he found himself in front of a familiar door. Why was he here? He would've left but something about the fact that he had subconsciously found his way here made him stay. He had ran here like a madman, like he was dying and this was his last chance. Why was he so drawn here? He felt stupid as he knocked on the door. Why would Chan be home? He was always at work. It was 11 am on a Tuesday, there was no way he'd be home. He almost hoped that he wouldn't be, that Felix's moment of weakness wouldn't result in him having to face Chan.

Just as he was about to turn away and leave, the door opened. Chan looked a mess. He looked the same as Felix had for weeks like he suffered a heartbreak. His eyes widened as he registered who was standing at his door. Felix didn't know what to say or do, he hadn't planned on even coming here let alone what to say to the person you hurt but were still in love with.

Words failed him so he resorted to the only other way he knew how to express how he felt. He lunged forward and threw his arms around Chan, hiding his face in the other's neck. Felix was sobbing loudly, Chan thought it sounded painful, the way they were tearing away from the younger's throat. Felix sobbed even louder when he felt strong arms wrap around him, pulling him closer. Chan buried his hair in Felix's blonde hair, his tears soaking it.

They held each other like they were afraid one of them would suddenly vanish. The loud sobs were interrupted when Felix gasped "I fucking hate you!" There was little to no bite or truth to his statement and it could be heard. Chan just chuckled, pulling away enough to look at Felix. "I hate you, I hate that I'm in love with you, you're stupid and your songs make me cry!" Felix kept rambling while keeping his bruising grip on Chan's shoulders.

This made Chan chuckle even more. "I love you" was all Felix heard before he was pulled to Chan's chest again. He felt the familiar warmness in his chest at Chan's words. He melted into the other's arms, he had given Chan a piece of his mind, he could now in good consciousness give all his love to the elder. He knew that they'd have to have an actual conversation about all of this but that didn't matter right now.

Felix lifted his head so that he was facing Chan. Their faces were so insanely close and it felt so good. Smiling, he connected their lips, feeling the butterflies going haywire in his stomach, in the best way possible. They kissed like it was their last night alive, not able to separate for any longer than absolutely necessary to breathe. 

They rested their foreheads against each other, eyes closed. "You're actually here right? You're not just my sleep-deprived hallucination?" Chan sounded breathless but happy. Felix giggled, placing a soft kiss on the other's lips. "I'm here Channie" he hoped that the bliss and happiness he felt were conveyed through his actions. "You look like shit" Felix's statement made Chan laugh.

"I probably do, yeah" the air around them was so light and loving. Exactly how they both wanted it.

Felix then gasped, eyes snapping open. "Fuck!" He quickly pulled his phone out, looking at the time. Chan looked instantly alarmed by this. "I totally blew off Bin hyung! I was supposed to have lunch with him!" Chan chuckled, schadenfreude clear in his tone "I think Binnie will be fine" Felix rolled his eyes at the older, Chan relishing in how normal it felt. 

He pulled Felix back into his arms. He looked so pretty, like he always did; to Chan at least. He could now confidently say that you don't know what you have until it's gone. He was just lucky enough to get a second chance and he would make sure that Felix knew that.


End file.
